a rough letter to a rough someone

22/09/16

*Foundations starts playing, now for real*

You may think I really don’t care about your or about your feelings, you may think that everything I’ve done was thinking about myself, and that I really didn’t care about that times I hurt you and that I was being dramatic when I complained about something. I am even sure you will think this text is too much, and this is me trying to be the centre of attention as the one that is suffering the most.

However, the truth is not that. The truth is that I already miss your smell (that most of the times was my smell, thanks for that), I miss the way you moaned when eating something, miss you tired face when getting home all pink and cold, asking for a drink or a massage, I miss your calls when drunk asking for me or joining you on your drunkenness and dancing for our happiness (and nothing more mattered) , I miss how I used to feel angry and just wanted to give you sleeping pills so I could stay in peace for some minutes. I miss making plans for the future that involved both of us, our sons, dog and learning a different language. Even though the present and the future may seem dark, I will always have the past, I will have the us we were before, the us that lasted for so long if we take into consideration it’s been in danger since the first second, the first time I offered you a bottle of cheap wine so I could make you drunk and take you to my room. The same time I doubted I would message you the next day. We were doomed by them (well, at least I was, I just didn’t realise it).

Even though you may hate me and all my dramas and problems right now I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks for being patient, thanks for being by my side, thanks for making plans with me (I will always have some hope on them), thanks for plan trips with me and screwing them and giving me heart attacks, thanks for staying late for me and not killing me when I complained about some of your attitude. Thanks for being you and for accepting me for who I am, even if now we need to follow our lives separately and grow and discover more about us and each other.

I didn’t say good bye before, and this will not be the time I will do it, so….see you, and hope you never forget me (and my arms) because I will never forget you and your special parts (your smile, your eyes, your beard).
Maybe I am right (I doubt it), maybe I am wrong or maybe I'm the middle of the way because I misunderstood a lot of situations because I couldn't understand what you said.